New Year, New You? How to beat the New Year's slump

There is such a build-up to New Year’s! You’ve got your list of goals and things you want to see happen in the coming year. You’re excited by the idea of a clean slate and you are MOTIVATED. You think, This time, things will be different!

Unfortunately, when the ball drops at midnight on December 31st, it’s just another moment in time. Nothing changes. We don’t become different (better) people. New Year ≠ New You. We know this by now, but it can still be a letdown.

So...how do we deal with this reality? Should we tear up our resolutions and goals?

No way.

Your goals are worth it. The unique gifts you have to share are worth it. YOU’RE worth it.

If you’re experiencing a Post-New Year’s Slump, take a listen to the video above. I hope it will motivate you back into goal-getting gear.

Because you’ve got (amazing) work to do!

Reach your greatest potential by answering this one question

“What would you do if you COULD NOT fail?”

In January 2016, I was taking Sonia Ricotti’s Unsinkable course when she asked that question in a lesson called “Step Into Your Greatness.”

I didn’t want to answer it at first because it sounded like a trick question. Because of course there would be challenges and setbacks and really dark moments...it’s LIFE, right? And following your dreams does NOT make the roller coaster ride of life any smoother.

But...the wisdom in the way the question was phrased was that it released me from answering based on what was within my reach. The beauty of the question was that it addressed my heart and soul. The question gave me freedom and safety to speak truthfully. The question asked me to be limitless.

The question asked me to be limitless…

So I answered. The first few times, what came up was aspirational but still superficial. I answered with labels and milestones: I would be a best-selling author, I would be a world-renown speaker, I would be a billion-dollar brand...blah blah blah.

Then Sonia asked the question one final time: “What would you do if you could not fail?” She asked us not to think but to respond. I finally shut out the logical and egotistical voices and asked Kristin, at her core, what she would do. What would I do if nothing could possibly stop me? The answer was shocking:

I would heal the world.

At first I cried because my answer resonated so strongly. Then I laughed because it seemed so ridiculous. Then I panicked because to follow this path would require me to grow waaaaay past my comfort zone and fail in a major way. Total crazy pants situation.

How the heck was that going to happen? And what did “heal the world” even mean? Did I have to become a doctor or a missionary now? What am I supposed to do with this answer???

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Then that wise voice broke through again and encouraged me to just sit with my soul-shaking response.

It asked me to welcome in Ms. Heal the World as I would welcome a guest to my home—make her comfortable and reserve any judgments until I got to know her. See if I wanted to continue the friendship and welcome her into my life. I didn’t have to do anything right away or commit myself to a decision. Just be open.

So I gave myself permission to see my incredibly audacious Heal the World answer as a curious new friend, and allowed myself the freedom to imagine how this could play out.

Eventually, some answers bubbled up that addressed the “how” of my desire to Heal the World. Like:

• Continuing on my journey of self-discovery so that I could be my best self in order to help others one day.

• Listening and being there for the people I care about because I could make a difference in someone’s life right now.

• Getting good at catching negative self-talk and choosing supportive talk instead.

• Uncovering the limiting beliefs I was hanging onto because they were “comfortable” but keeping me from the life I wanted.

Each choice and each step I made toward the concept of healing the world made that idea more comfortable, and more importantly, possible in my mind.

That tiny shift in allowing my soul’s desire to be possible started the ball rolling. Instead of pushing away my “crazy” idea, I gave it the freedom to stay, play, and grow. It wasn’t a physical action, it was a mental one. And incredibly powerful.

Any change you want for yourself requires you to think about things differently than you have before. Change starts with you, from within, and begins with a mental choice.

I lovingly challenge you to CHOOSE to allow yourself TO BE LIMITLESS.

Don’t ask HOW right now. Ask WHAT.

What would YOU do if you could not fail?

Declare your answer in the comments and share your reaction to seeing it written out.

I’d love to support you!

Leave your luggage at the baggage claim. You'll be glad you did.

Photo by rawpixel

I am not a “carry-on only” traveler. When I fly, I always have a suitcase to check. It doesn’t matter if I’m only going to be gone a few days. I like to be prepared. I like to have options. The times I’ve tried to streamline the contents of my luggage, I’ve really regretted it.

There is a type of baggage I can do without, though. The *emotional* baggage kind. These pieces of luggage are packed full of the dramas, traumas, and hangups we hold onto and use as evidence to shape our view of life and our role in it. Together they form limiting belief systems that block us from getting what we truly want.

It doesn’t matter if the contents of our suitcases are dumped in or rolled up neatly into packing cubes (h/t to the Marie Kondo method). Emotional baggage is heavy and costly. It puts a strain on our health, happiness, relationships, finances, and career.

Why do we insist on dragging emotional baggage around with us in the first place? Maybe because we’ve worked hard to pack it. The items have experiential value to us, even if the cost of keeping it around is higher than the original price tag.

Photo by Tommaso Pecchioli

Emotional baggage is also sneaky because we’ve been carrying it around so long, it’s almost comfortable. Weird, right? Our limiting thoughts and stories can become normal and part of us. We think: That’s just the way life is.

But is it???

One of my limiting beliefs was that achieving a high level of success came with too many tradeoffs to be worth it. I saw examples in the world and in my imagination of people at the top of their game who were under tons of stress, had jam-packed schedules, and no time for the people and things that gave them joy. I wanted the “idea” of success. But I also didn’t want the “reality” of the life I imagined came with that level of excellence. So I was subconsciously canceling out what I wanted because of my limiting beliefs attached to it!

Was my stressed out version of success a reality for some people? Yes. Is that version the only way it could materialize? No. Could I be a successful person who sees the work she does as Play With Purpose, designs her life in a way that recharges and energizes her, who makes time for what matters, who is able to face whatever challenges come her way with integrity and faith in the best possible outcome...and is a rock star at what she does and has the paycheck to reflect that? Yes.

YES. YAAASSSSSS!

That’s the conversation I’m having with myself when those sneaky, self-limiting thoughts threaten to pull down my goals and dreams.

Uh-uh. Nope. Not on my watch.

We can choose differently. There was a time we didn’t have those negative beliefs. What would happen if we ditched them all? Left them to circle the baggage claim into eternity? What would we really lose?

Photo by Hanson Lu

We’d have a whole lot more to gain. Freedom and flexibility from a lighter load; openness from the space no longer occupied by resentment, anger, fear, hurt, and insecurity.

So what can we do to unlearn our old ways? We can let go of our destructive beliefs, replace them one by one with reflections of the life we DO want, and start living in alignment with a higher consciousness. Repetition will solidify those practices of self-love into a new reality over time. We’ll have an upgraded belief system. One that is baggage-free.

There’s joy and peace in living on the lighter (baggage) side. My goal is to go carry-on only. Heck, maybe I’ll get to the point where I’m traveling this life with nothing but a light sweater and sunglasses. (I’ve still gotta be prepared with options, after all).

What about you? Are you ready to lighten your luggage load?

Here are some empowering questions to ponder:

• What’s one limiting belief you’re ready to let go of?

• How would it feel to be free of that baggage?

• How would your life positively change?

Kick Your Perfection Habit and Watch Your Dreams Come to Life

“Perfection kills dreams. Progress is what brings dreams to life.”

When I was asked in a recent interview what one message I wanted the audience to hear, that was it.

Why?

Because many of us are waiting for the PERFECT time to take action on our big dreams and goals. That’s why I said perfection kills dreams because the hard truth is…

If you’re waiting for the perfect moment, you’ll be waiting FOREVER. THERE IS NO PERFECT TIME!

I’m not yelling, I promise.

I’m just really passionate about this point. Perfectionism used to be a huge problem for me. I was really good at rationalizing reasons to stall or stop when things got murky/scary. I’d tell myself that I didn’t know enough, wasn’t skilled enough, didn’t have enough money or time, didn’t know the right people or have the right degree, I needed to wait for a sign or the perfect moment or a bulletproof plan or….

Yada yada ad nauseam.

I thought I was being smart for waiting until I was ready. I was saving myself time, effort, money, and sanity. Right?

But really, I was making excuses that came from fear.

It was fear of failure.

What if I find out I suck at this? What if I embarrass myself in front of others? What if I lose people’s respect or confidence? What if I have to face the fact that my dreams will never come true?

It was also fear of success.

Yes, even though it seems counterintuitive, I feared things going my way! Why? Because then I’d have to keep delivering. My status quo would—poof!—change and I’d have to navigate new territory. I’d face more responsibility, more pressure, more stress. Who knew that imagining success could be this overwhelming!

But here’s the thing. Whether I ended up “failing” or “succeeding” wasn’t the point. It was about trying and not having to wonder “What if?”

Making the transition from Perfectionist to Progressionist didn’t happen overnight. It started with catching myself stalling on moving forward in the name of “getting it right.” I asked myself: Could I start this now and figure it out as I go? If I finish this and put it out into the world, would that be better than waiting on the slim chance I could improve it in a way that actually matters?

It's about Progress, not perfection.

— Marie Forleo

One of my Big Dreams was to be a published author. Even after pushing through many obstacles and having a final draft of my book, Meant for More, I still had to deal with fear. What if there are mistakes? Did I share too much of myself? What if people don’t like the book...or me?

Those doubting voices could have stopped me. They might have in the past. But this time? Heck no! And guess what? I did later find some mistakes in the book. There are some sections of my book I’d write differently.

But guess what also happened, even though the book isn’t “perfect”?

I became a bestselling author and created a business to help others amp up the fulfillment and vibrancy of their lives (something I love!). I’ve also been invited to speaking engagements, attracted coaching opportunities, and expanded my network of like-minded peeps!

Dreams don’t happen when you’re comfortably ready. Every time I go for another inspired goal and exit my comfort zone, I have to practice the mindset of progress over perfection.

So just do it. If your gut is telling you that you have a great idea, solution, plan, or vision….for the love of all things holy, DO IT!

You owe it to yourself to take at least the tiniest step toward bringing that goal to life.

Do what you can. Start today. And remember...

Put your focus on progress. Not perfection.

You won’t regret it.

---

What’s 1 thing you can do to shift from perfection to progression? Share in the comments below. 🙌Your idea could inspire someone! 🙌

Living Your Purpose: An interview on what it's all about

It's not a hot topic you bring up over dinner with friends. And I wouldn't recommend it as a conversation starter with someone you just met. 

What am I talking about?

Living your Purpose

What it means, how to find it, and how to use it for a life you love

See what I mean? Not a light and fluffy topic!

When personal development coach, Conny Lee, asked to interview me about this for her show, I had to say yes...because I had a lot to say on the matter. Few people talk about Purpose—I mean, really talk about it—and SO many struggle with it.

Why was I eager to demystify Purpose? Because I've been there. For most of my life, I struggled to find my purpose, wondering if I was ever going to discover what I wanted out of life and what I was meant to do.

I understand the confusion, the frustration, and the heartache of not knowing your purpose or how to go about finding it. Your confidence suffers, you end up doubting your abilities, and you question if those dreams you have are even possible. 

Conny and I cover a lot of territory in our 23-minute interview. By the end of it, you'll have some tangible tidbits you can start putting into action toward living a more purposeful, fulfilled life. {Scroll down for the video.} 

Here’s a preview of interview highlights and at what point in the video they come up:

My journey

(37 seconds in)

• Why I went on a journey of self-exploration

• What I did to “figure myself out” and the transformation that resulted

• The reason behind my book Meant for More

what "Purpose" and "Calling" Are all about

(at 5:39)

• How to take the scariness away from those terms

• How purpose is like a coloring book

• The benefits of knowing your purpose

“I have no idea what I’m here to do!” How to go about finding your purpose

(at 7:26)

• The pre-work and why it matters

• How NOT to end up chasing the wrong thing

• My purpose statement that, at first, made me think I was crazy!

• Tips for creating your own Powerful Purpose Statement

the wisdom I wish I could share with my 10-year-old self

(at 16:27)

 

Advice for those struggling to figure out what they want

(at 17:36)

 

The "reset button" That turns down the noise of our thoughts and the world around us

(at 18:49)

 

the #1 secret to achieving your dreams that you must hear!

(at 20:12)

 

Details of my free gift to you

(At 23:04)

The Stress Less Guide: 4 Steps to Take Back Control of Your Life. Get the free gift here.

What's one thing from the interview that was useful to you? Let me know in the comments below!

Don’t make a life change without doing this first!

Many of us are looking to change our status quo...to make some sort of improvement to our life. The end goal may be to get a better job, improve our health, repair a relationship, clean up our debt, cut out stress...

Regardless of our particular situation, the one thing we’ve got to do before going after any goal—where we’re looking to make a successful and lasting change—is to get clear on our where, what, and why.

I call these the 3 Ws.

The 3 Ws: Your where, what, and why

Before gearing up for a major life change or planning an aspirational goal, ask yourself:

1. Where am I now?

What’s my current situation? What’s not working well? Where do I want to see a change?

2. What do I want?

What’s the dream outcome for this situation? What does achieving my goal look like and how does it make me feel?

3. Why do I want it?

Why do I want this change to happen? What’s the purpose, what do I get out of it? What’s the underlying value, need, or desire I’ll fulfill when I achieve my goal?

This is the most important step, so don’t skip it! Here's Why:

If you don’t get to the real reason behind your want, you might end up spending time, effort, and resources chasing the wrong thing! 

For example, many of us want to make a lot of money, but being rich isn’t the actual end goal. Money is a symbol for an underlying core need—it may be security, freedom, self-worth, or something else.

Get to the reason behind your goal by repeatedly asking, “Why do I want this?” until you’ve arrived at the final answer.

Want to see breaking a goal down to its “why” in action? In the video below, I introduce W #3—Why do you want it?— and show you how to get to the root desire that's within your goal.

If you’re clear on your 3 Ws before taking action on your goal, you’ll be more focused, intentional, and confident as you move forward. And most importantly, you’ll be setting yourself up for achieving what you truly want.

For a deeper dive into uncovering your wants and core needs, there’s a step-by-step process of how to do that in my book, Meant for More: Create Your Dream Life, Plan Your Path, and Start Living It Now. The book also answers the questions: How am I going to get what I want? What are the steps I need to take? You’ll not only have a clear vision of your dream outcome, you’ll have an action plan for how to get there!

Did asking "Why do I want it?" bring up any insights or surprises for you? Did uncovering your core need shift your perspective on your current goal? Share in the comments section!

What does having a purpose mean and why does it matter?

Photo by Jamie Templeton on Unsplash

If you've ever googled "how to live a fulfilling life" or "finding happiness," you've probably run into this word over and over again: Purpose.

Some people swap “purpose” for “calling,” while others have strong opinions about keeping those two terms separate.

What personal development junkies do agree on is that you’re supposed to have a purpose, know your purpose, and live it every day. Basically...

No purpose = no fulfillment.

No pressure, right? 🙄

But what does having a purpose really mean, anyway, and why does it matter?

Does it apply to real life or just the high-minded daydreams of magical thinkers and positive psychology enthusiasts?

In this short video, I give my take on the definition of purpose and how having it can help us in life.

Interview with Kristin Rath and Conny Lee, host of The Balanced Parent Show. June 2018.

What does "purpose" mean to you? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Stress is killing your dreams. Here’s how to stop it.

Photo by Isaiah Rustad on Unsplash

Stress is killing our dreams.

Okay, maybe not literally. But if we’re dealing with constant stress, any goals we have that lead to a life we love are fighting an uphill battle.

How so?

Stress interferes with our decision-making skills. In a typical day, we face a lot of decisions—what’s important to do for that day, how we prioritize those tasks, what we say yes or no to, how we react to issues when they come up. When we’re stressed, the negative emotions we’re feeling—worry, panic, fear, anger—are influencing our choices, which means the decisions we make and the actions we take aren’t going to be their best.

Stress gives us tunnel vision...and not in a good way. When we’re stressed, we tend to only focus on doing what’s necessary. We have no energy to spend on anything that isn’t making us money, demanded of us, or we feel responsible to do...which means our dreams are likely taking a back seat.

Stress creates a vicious cycle of stress. Our confidence and belief in ourselves suffers each time we fail to follow through on our dreams, which piles on more stress!

So how do we STOP letting stress run our life

 so we can START slaying those #lifegoals?

By setting ourselves up for stressless success. When we treat our body and mind right, before a stress meltdown happens (and do it consistently), we stop stress before it starts.

1. Have preventative measures in place to keep stress at bay

For a Less Stressed Body:

• Quality input = quality output. You’ve heard this before but it’s so important, it can’t be glossed over: What you put into your body affects how you perform and handle life. Which means if you’re nourishing yourself with the right food and keeping hydrated, you’ll be better equipped to handle challenges.
• A tense body welcomes stress. There’s a correlation between how your body feels and your mood. When your body feels good, you’re more likely to feel good too. So keep your body flexible and tension-free with exercise and movement that makes sense for you.
• Utilize your built-in reset button...deep breathing. Since breathing is something our body does automatically, it’s often underestimated and underutilized as a de-stressing tool. Deep breathing is a quick and easy way to re-engage with yourself and melt away tension. It helps to get you out of your head and into the present moment.
• Schedule in your self-care. Yes, schedule it...just like you would anything else important in your life. Why? Because if you don’t schedule it, it’s probably not going to happen. It’s so easy to let self-care slip just like anything that isn’t making us money or is something we “have to do.” But think of it this way: Self-care actually does have monetary value and leads to greater productivity in the long term because when you’re in your best mental and physical shape, you’re going to do everything better! Ca-ching!

For a Less Stressed Mind:

• Catch negative chatter. When we think negative thoughts, we immediately start to feel crappy, right? So when your mood is going downhill, notice what you’re thinking about. Awareness of negative chatter is the first step in preventing a stressed out mind.   
• Ditch the drama for detective work. When you notice that your thoughts have turned sour, try looking at your situation like a detective would. Separate the facts from the story. Ask questions instead of jumping straight to conclusions. What do you know is true? This fact-centered approach helps reduce unnecessary anxiety and tension by providing emotional distance and objectivity.
• Know your power. You have the power to choose a different thought—look for what’s positive and what’s possible. While we can’t change what happens to us, we CAN control how we think, how we feel, and how we act. And that knowledge is power.

In my book, I go much further into why the quality of our thoughts is so important and how to make them work for you in creating your dream life. If you’re interested in a deeper dive, check out Meant for More: Create Your Dream Life, Plan Your Path, and Start Living It Now.

2. Have a plan for avoiding a stress spinout

While the above tips serve as preventative measures for unnecessary stress, they can’t prevent stress entirely. Since obstacles and challenges are a part of life, it makes sense to have a game plan for when life throws you a curveball.

Don’t have one yet? I’ve got you covered.

I created a FREE guide that will help you take down stress when it strikes. It’s called The Stress Less Guide: 4 Steps to Take Back Control of Your Life.  

It’s not that things won’t affect you any more or that you’ll become immune to stress or stressful situations, but it really does help change your perspective and reaction, which can lead to a better outcome.

Download your free guide now to get clearer, calmer, and more confident for dealing with stress.